


Sunshine, Syrup, and Sundays

by a_very_smol_frog



Series: The Crow's Nest [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Established Relationship, Family, Fluff, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Light Angst, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, happiness, self doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:20:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26179384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_very_smol_frog/pseuds/a_very_smol_frog
Summary: He didn’t deserve it but he asked anyways, and for some reason they gave themselves to him. They were all he needed, all he could ever ask for, and all he would ever want.~This fic is a part of the Crow's Nest AU. It is not a stand alone fic and I suggest reading Student of the Sun before reading this.~
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: The Crow's Nest [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711909
Comments: 6
Kudos: 108





	Sunshine, Syrup, and Sundays

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends! This wasn't planned. I just sat down with a coffee and 2 hours later I had 2,000 words of angsty fluff on my screen.
> 
> I'm working on a lot of new stuff right now which is great! I love new stuff but its challenging and today I needed something easy. 
> 
> Writing for this universe, writing them, it's like slipping into bed after a shitty day. It's so easy and flows so naturally. 
> 
> Thank you all for your continued support and unwavering love. I hope this brightens your day and makes your crave pancakes tomorrow morning. <3

Kageyama loved Sundays. It was the one day a week where he could block out the outside world and the universe was only as big as whatever room Rini had decided to settle in. He got to wake up to the soft sunlight filtering in through the windows and know that the most difficult task of the day was flipping the perfect pancake. 

When blue eyes blinked open he was reminded of a brand new reason to love Sundays even more. He was sure his ribs would be bruised tomorrow with how much his heart swelled at the sight, the organ threatening to burst right out of him. 

Hinata and Rini took up most of the bed (for being so tiny they had mastered the art of taking up space). Rini was curled up and tucked into Hinata’s side, the redhead had one arm slung over her torso and the other was bent at an angle that Kageyama knew couldn’t be comfortable. Their faces were relaxed and their chests rose in tandem with soft even breaths. 

Kageyama knew he was lucky. He knew he had taken every ounce of good karma that he had ever earned and then some when Hinata walked into his life. 

In moments like this though it sometimes felt like too much. His body didn’t know how to process the overwhelming love and gratitude after fighting for every breath and surviving solely off of sheer determination and spite for so long. It didn’t understand the concept of safety, of relaxing, of a relationship and home built off of trust, communication, and understanding. His mind was like a trapped feral animal, and even though it was in no danger it still desperately thrashed and clawed to try and escape. 

He felt guilty. Hinata was everything that Kageyama could have ever asked for; everything he dared to dream about during the coldest nights in Tokyo, and Kageyama knew that even on his best days he couldn’t hold a candle to the redhead. Hinata should have someone who could return the pure unfiltered joy that overflows out of him as easily as breathing. He deserved someone who could love him back just as effortlessly, not Kageyama who couldn’t shake the demons lurking in the shadows of his mind. 

Kageyama was a burden. One day Hinata would wake up and realize that he was too broken, too messy, and no matter how hard you tried to put him back together there were still huge pieces of his soul missing, shattered to dust, and they could never be repaired. It would happen soon, every day Kageyama braced himself for the inevitable fall, he had learned a long time ago that good things just didn’t happen to him. 

He didn’t deserve any more than what he had already been blessed with. Rini was more than _everything._ She brought light on the darkest nights, slingling stars into the never ending black skies that blanketed Kageyama’s world. Her laughter made flowers bloom, her smile was a natural wonder, and if science could bottle up her happiness he knew it could end all wars, solve world hunger, and the human race would finally find peace. 

He was already given more than he could ever ask for, but Kageyama was a weak selfish man, and even though he knew he didn’t deserve it; he couldn’t help but wish for more. 

Simultaneously, while he felt wrong for burdening Hinata he also felt guilty for not trusting the redhead. Shouyou had time and time again proven that this wasn’t some phase, that he _wanted_ to be in Kageyama’s life. The man had been presented with a million get out of jail free cards, and no one would have blamed him for leaving, least of all Kageyama. 

Hinata was young, he had a whole life ahead of him, a life that Kageyama just couldn’t be a part of. He had a child and a business, his life was anchored in place, while Hinata had every opportunity to fly free. Everytime Kageyama tried to give him a nudge forward, to try and help him realize the mistake he was making, Hinata planted his feet even firmer into the ground.

There had been countless nights full of whispered promises, a million reassuring texts, numerous sticky notes stuck to odd places Kageyama would find one day at random, and still he couldn’t quiet the voices that kept him company in his darkest moments. 

It made him feel like shit.

He didn’t want Hinata to ever feel like he wasn’t doing enough, that _he_ wasn’t enough. It was dizzying to try and sit down and rationally jump through the hoops and conclusions his serotonin starved mind would supply when he felt the world crumble around him and all he could do was fall into the void. 

Dr. Semi had told him to take things day by day, moment by moment. If Hinata wanted to be there with him then Kageyama was in no position to try and tell him that something else should make him happy. Everyone was in charge of their own life, their own path, and even if Kageyama felt like Hinata was going down the wrong one by staying next to him, that was Hinata’s problem to confront, not his. 

All Kageyama needed to focus on was taking actions to secure his own small sliver of joy in a world inundated by fatigue and stress, and today that meant delicately extracting himself from the bed and going to the kitchen to make pancakes. 

The methodical steps allow him to take a few precious seconds to just _be_. He doesn’t allow himself think about his flaws, about the millions of ways he fails to be the person that someone else could love. Right now in this moment his only purpose is to make the two people who keep his world upright on its axis a warm fluffy breakfast. 

If he can do that, if he can start their day with sweet syrupy smiles, then maybe they’ll continue to allow him to cling to their warmth, like a lonely pathetic moon that orbits the brightest stars in the galaxy. 

Soon the smell dances its way through the house, filling the sleepy rooms with a warmth that belongs to content lazy mornings. It makes its way to the back bedroom, pulling one of the inhabitants out into the gentle light with a yawn. 

A warm set of arms wrap around Kageyama’s torso and a forehead nuzzles into the space between his shoulder blades. 

“Mornin’.” Hinata’s voice is fuzzy around the edges. Kageyama allows the self-doubt frozen in his chest to thaw and basks in the pleasantness of their touch. These tender unhurried moments are his life preservers in the stormy seas that wash over him; when it's all he can do to just keep breathing. He meticulously files each one away, forcing himself to catalog every detail to prove to himself that it happened, this is real, he _can_ be happy. 

After fighting for the right to just _exist_ for so long it is difficult to allow himself to have these instances where he feels like he might be able to have more, but he is trying. He just hopes that Hinata can hear him say _I love you_ when he pours a mug of coffee and hands it to the redhead; that he understands when Kageyama places a soft kiss on the top of his head he is screaming _thank you, thank you for loving me even though I know I make it hard_. 

Neither of them say anything, they don’t need to. If they stay quiet then they can pretend that time has never existed until this very moment, and for a few seconds Kageyama can forget the demons of his past nipping at his heels. He allows himself to indulge in the illusion that this is what life will always be, an endless loop of Sunday mornings filled with sunshine and syrup. 

Eventually, the illusion is shattered by the pitter patter of precious feet down the hall. Even when she was doing something as simple as walking Kageyama adored the way she did it. Every moment she existed gave him a reason to take another breath. 

“Daddy.” Kageyama didn’t know how he had lived before this; how he had found any meaning in life without his daughter’s presence. The father moved away from the stove to scoop her up into his arms; Hinata wordlessly stepped over to fill his place. Kageyama had been a shell before them, a body without a soul, and it wasn’t until they had breathed life into him that he finally understood what it meant to be alive. 

Rini snuggled into his chest, tiny arms wrapping around his neck as she went boneless against him. She never doubted his touch, always blindly trusting that his arms were the safest place in the world. For her he would reach up and rip down the sky; drain the ocean; level mountains; not even god himself could stop him if Rini had requested it. 

She was growing up so fast. Every time he blinked she aged a year. Milestones passed by with every breath and Kageyama found himself trying to hold it in, desperate to persuade time to slow down around them so they could stay this way forever. 

Kageyama drifted back over to Hinata, allowing himself to be pulled to the other man was easy, it was selfish, and it just felt _right_. 

Hinata was humming something softly under his breath as he flipped a perfectly golden pancake. Kageyama wished he was a poet, or an artist, someone who had the talent to capture this moment and spin it into something immortal. History needed to remember this, remember these two perfect people and try and model the future in their likeness. 

He attempted to sear it into his memory so that he could always remember the brilliant shade of orange Hinata’s hair became in the first rays of the sun, and the steady beat of Rini’s heart against his chest. 

Kageyama existed for them, _because_ of them. Every fiber of his soul had been stitched together by their hands; their golden thread weaved through him and connected his heart, mind, body, and soul. Somehow they had taken a tattered and useless heap of flesh and bones and turned it into a living breathing human being. 

Every time their hearts would beat his would follow suit, just so he could have the opportunity to spend another second at their side. He didn’t deserve the right to even exist in their shadow, much less stand equal in stride with them, but every morning they scooped him up and dragged him into their light. 

It was all he could ever ask for; it was _more_ than he could ever ask for; it was everything he didn’t deserve but craved with every fiber of his being. Somehow he had been born with nothing and now he pitied every other person on earth because they would never know what it felt like to bask in this, to be loved so wholly and completely by two people who’s smiles made the sun yearn to be brighter, that you overflowed. 

In these quiet moments they made him feel richer than kings with just their presence alone. He tried to bottle it up, to save it and study it so that maybe one day he could attempt to give them back a fraction of the warmth he stole. 

For now though he held them and hoped that the secure weight of his arms would be enough to anchor them down, to convince them to stay with him for just one more memory, one more kiss, one more smile, because he was selfish; and greedy; and wanted to keep them for himself, wrapped up in the kitchen where time and the world couldn’t touch them. 

He didn’t deserve it but he asked anyways, and for some reason they gave themselves to him. They were all he needed, all he could ever ask for, and all he would ever want. 

They were perfect, this moment was perfect, and Kageyama allowed himself to fantasize that it might be perfect because he was there too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


End file.
